The most fun I ever had fishing was during high school on the St. Joseph River. My friend Bill and I had stopped by to visit his grandparents, and when we found they were gone he suggested we still make something of the trip, grabbing a couple of poles out of the garage and a few slices of white bread from the kitchen, and then headed through their backyard to the river’s edge.
To this day Bill would tell you I’m a terrible fisherman. He has every right to do so given the times he's tried to help me fish over the last forty years and I just tangled the line. He even wrote about how bad I am at fishing when he signed my yearbook in 1986, but he also wrote that I was a good basketball player and a damn good friend that year, so no hard feelings. And he promised in my yearbook to help me get a big fish on the line that summer. That day on the river he made good on his promise when we finally found a fish well suited to my incompetence: the suckerfish.
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| Catostomus commersonii: the common suckerfish |
Suckerfish swim just over the top of the muck at the bottom of the river with their mouth like a vacuum feeding off debris and decaying material the color and texture of the contents of a port-a-potty. For bait Bill took pieces of white bread and rolled them into tight little balls, hooked them on the end of a weighted line, and tossed them out into the water. Soon, a suckerfish was tugging at the end of the line and I had a great time pulling it in with Bill cheering me on in what must have felt for him like a proud dad moment.
I’d like to tell you that on that day I was a good fisherman, but that would be dishonest. Suckerfish just take whatever bait is there for them to inhale in a mouthful of mud. It’s also why they’re considered by many to be trash fish–they’re bony and can taste like the dirty bottom of a river in the hands of an inexperienced cook.
So I thought about suckerfish today when I read yet another news story of the current President of the United States going off on yet another rampage on social media. According to web sources, he generally posts a dozen times or more each day on his social media account, and each post is bait for the suckerfish, some contribution to the culture war that is the texture and substance of the contents of the bottom of a port-a-potty. I’d like to tell you that there is some higher skill or ability taking place in his leadership, but that would be dishonest. Trump is angling for bottom feeders with debris and decaying material, and people just inhale it without hesitation or discernment. That guy knows how to pull in a suckerfish.
Why does our President fish for suckers? As people read or hear what he has to say, they get distracted by his complaints about the Super Bowl or how hot Taylor Swift is or isn’t, making Canada the 51st state, Barack Obama or Joe Biden, the number of birds killed by windmills, water pressure, what book is in a school library, and a million-and-one other inane, insignificant thoughts that leak out of his mind like it’s a shoddy diaper.
On Easter Sunday of this year, the holiest day of the year for (perhaps) his most important constituency, evangelical Christians, the day of redemption and promise for a nation of the faithful, his message to the country as our President was nothing but debris and decay:
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The truth is to carry out his grift, corruption, and lawlessness, the undermining of 249 years of the rule of law and 238 years of a country that was governed by the Constitution, he needs suckers to take the bait. He will break the law again when he accepts a $400-million airplane from Qatar. He will break the law again when he directs or permits his administration to arrest and punish people without the legal protections provided to everyone by our nation’s laws. He will break the law again when he shills for money in exchange for favor through whatever next snake oil he sells to the highest bidder. He needs suckers to be pissed about Bruce Springsteen instead of paying attention to what’s really going on as he breaks the law, lines his pockets, and moves our country towards fascism and authoritarianism instead of Democracy and the rule of law.
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| Sucker, beware! |
